


renaissance

by samugiiri



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Post-Time Skip, Repressed Memories, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27278818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samugiiri/pseuds/samugiiri
Summary: “Iwa-Chan watch out!”Those were Tooru’s last words before he pushed his lover out the way and clashed with the speeding car.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 8
Kudos: 118





	renaissance

**Author's Note:**

> hi! if you have trauma with car accidents, please don't read!

It was supposed to be a normal and happy day. The two were on a date walking together, heading somewhere Hajime wanted to bring Tooru to. Tooru, as always, was excited to see what the other had planned. He was practically skipping his way through the sidewalk. They waited for the light to turn green, signaling them to cross the street. Both were laughing at a stupid joke Tooru had made. Hajime was in front of Tooru, walking ahead, looking back at him. He was smiling, an image that always warmed up the latter’s heart. 

_Damn, the things he would do to keep that smile on Hajime's face._

He was enjoying the smile of the man in front of him. He was smiling too, that is, until he heard tires screeching.

_Time seemed to slow down._

The man saw Tooru’s face, it looked like he was worried. Why was he shouting? He looked to his side and froze. A car was approaching and heading straight towards him. 

The car was coming too fast for him to react. In those short seconds, he thought about how joyful things just were. That was just a minute ago, but now, he faces a car that could possibly kill him on impact. His last thought was Tooru’s smile, that was all he could think about. 

He had accepted the fact that he was going to get hit. What could he do? He heard a voice shouting, calling his name. _Oh, how it all happened so fast._

“Iwa-Chan watch out!” 

Those were Tooru’s last words before he pushed his lover out the way and clashed with the speeding car. 

Hajime felt someone push him and he fell onto the ground. He hit his head, it’s bleeding. But, who pushed him? Then he remembered the voice. Panic arose from the trainer’s chest. 

_No. It can’t be. There’s no way._

He sits up, vision slowly coming back. He sees the car and he sees the people surrounding them. He looks everywhere trying to find the tall brunette. His eyes then fall upon his greatest nightmare. The sight made his head throb even more. He got up as quickly as his body let him and ran over to the body lying on the road. There were no movements and dear God was there a lot of blood. 

_Road._ All he can see is the road he is lying on, he’s bleeding out. He can see the car that crashed into him but his vision is blurry.

_Pain._ He can feel pain everywhere, it hurts so much. But, he couldn’t care less about the pain he’s in. He needs to know if the other is okay. 

_Voice._ He hears a faint voice, a familiar one. 

“Tooru, h-hold on for me, please.” A desperate and trembling voice calls out to him. He feels arms hold him and Tooru can feel the warmth he is so familiar with. When his vision clears for just a second, he sees Hajime. A wave of relief goes through him, he’s alive.

He sees tears falling down the man’s face and can see Hajime’s head bleeding from the impact of hitting the road. With the last of his energy, he smiles, just like any other smile he gives the latter on any other day. 

“How can y-you smile like that still?” is the last thing he hears before all sounds drown out. His entire body feels heavy. The pain is numbing and he somehow feels the tears escaping his own eyes. 

He needs to stay awake, he needs to be there for Hajime. But, he only has such little strength left. His eyelids feel so heavy to the point he can’t stop them anymore. He closes his eyes.

\--

The silence is deafening. The only sound you can hear is the breathing of the people in the room and the beeping of the heart monitor. In this white hospital room sits the parents of Tooru along with Hajime himself. The mentioned man is sitting right at the side of the setter’s bedside, fingers intertwined with the very still body. 

He looked so peaceful, too peaceful. If not for the beeping of the monitor, you’d think the latter had passed whom thankfully hasn’t. The quiet sobs of Tooru’s parents enter the cold, deafening silence.

After a few minutes, the doctor calls for the parents of the patient, leaving Hajime with his best friend and boyfriend of 4 years. Only then when he knows he’s alone with the setter does he start letting himself cry. Sobbing and sobbing, asking himself why this had to happen. He thinks it should be him laying down on the hospital bed and not the other. 

_Why did he push him?_ He was supposed to be going back to Argentina in a few days. 

_What will happen to his career?_ Hajime curses at himself. He brings Tooru’s hand to his lips and plants a small kiss.

“Please come back, Tooru. What will I do without you?”

\--

He wakes up, sweating. Where is he? The last thing he remembers was the road. The pain is gone. What happened? He takes a glance at his surroundings and immediately recognizes it. _He was in his old room._ The alien bed sheets, the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling and the volleyball posters on the walls; this is definitely his old room. He stands up from his bed to take a look around but suddenly hears his mother’s voice. 

“Tooru! Hurry up before you’re late to school!” The present and older Tooru turns around to be met with his younger self.

_Is he in an old memory? If so, which memory was this?_

He follows his past self, going down the stairs to be met with his mother. Tooru watches the interaction between him and his mother and follows when he sees himself run outside heading to school. “Be back before dinner!” Then, he and his past self wave off at his mother.

Seeing his mother in this memory makes him wonder how they were doing at the moment.

_He’s not dead yet is he? He hasn’t walked into the light like people say. Were they crying?_

He feels bad, he doesn’t want any of his loved ones sad. He sighs and looks at the back of his younger self, continuing to follow him.

When they reach the school, Tooru realizes which point of time they’re in. It’s his first day of elementary school. He watches as the school day goes by. Slowly, the memory comes to him and he vividly remembers the day. As the bell signifying the end of the day rings, he realizes where his younger self will go to. 

He follows him into a forest and sees young Oikawa look for something. The thing he’s looking for is a flower he saw the day before, he remembers and laughs at himself. He had come back to take a picture of it to show to his mom. 

Tooru continues to watch young Oikawa and thinks, _“Oh, this is the moment I was waiting for.”_ His young self trips over a rock, falling, and scraping his knee. In pain, he cries loudly. He knows no one is there so he cries and cries. That’s what his younger self thought.

“Hey! Are you okay?” a boy from behind asks. Young Oikawa looks at the source of the voice with a tear stained face and nods, trying to hide his tears so he wouldn’t look like a crybaby. Tooru chuckles because he knows that he really is a crybaby, how silly of him to try and hide it when he was younger. 

“Here, I’ll help you.” The boy reaches his hand out to Oikawa and they hold hands while the still unknown boy drags him back to his house.

“W-what’s your name?” Tooru laughs at how shy his younger self is acting. 

“Iwaizumi Hajime. You?” 

“Oikawa Tooru. Thank you for helping me Iwa-chan!” Both young and present Oikawa smile.

“What’s with that nickname, Stupidkawa?” young Hajime frowns but Tooru can see him trying to hide the smile forming on his lips. _“He’s still like that until now.”_ Tooru chuckles.

“Mean Iwa-chan! What’s with that name? We just met and you’re insulting me? Don’t make me cry again!” and Oikawa tightens his grip on Hajime’s hand. 

They look at each other for a second and both burst into laughter. They continue to walk and call each other stupid but funny nicknames until they reach the Iwaizumi household. 

Tooru remembers the feeling of warmth he felt when he first entered the house. He remembered the feeling of happiness when Hajime held his hand and helped him. He remembered the smiles they shared that day, along with the jokes and teases. He sees the glimmer in his younger self’s eyes. The day he met his Iwa-chan, how could he ever forget this? It was a day that he ingrained in his head.

But as soon as he remembers, everything is blurring out. Why is it blurring? He watches as his young self waves off the Iwaizumi family and sets off to his own house which is three houses down. It goes from his surroundings blurring into the faces of the lovely family blurring. 

He feels trapped, like he’s being squeezed in and torn apart. _Why is he forgetting the memory he just remembered? What’s going on?_ The day starts fading and blurring out. He sees his young self walk alone in the night. Everything blurs before it goes black once again.

\--

“Hajime, dear, your friends are here to see you. Come in, Takahiro, Issei.” Hajime looks away from Tooru’s still body to see their friends entering the room. It’s been 4 days since the accident and since Tooru entered his coma state. Hajime stands up to greet Takahiro and Issei. Before he could open his mouth to say something, the two envelop him into a warm and tight embrace.

“How have you been?” Takahiro speaks up first as they release from the hug. “Could be doing better.” Hajime shrugs heading back to his original position, next to his boyfriend. The other two grab a chair and take a seat beside him. 

There’s a short silence, none of them know what to say. It’s hard to find something to talk about when you see your good friend in a coma, lying on the bed with your other friend grieving over him. 

What _can_ they say? _“Sorry”? “Hope everything is okay?”_ That’s bullshit and both Takahiro and Issei know it. They can’t help but feel bad for their friends, _they were so so happy together._ They went through so much, why did this happen to them?

“You don’t have to be so gloomy.” Hajime chuckles with how tense his friends are. “Tooru is strong. He’ll come back...he has to.” He sighs and bites the inner part of his cheek to prevent himself from crying. He tries to relax himself; he has to stay strong. 

“You know, we’re close with him too. He wouldn’t want you bottling up your emotions and acting like a brick wall, idiot.” Hajime looks at Issei who’s smiling at him. He hears a soft laughter from Takahiro and allows himself to smile for the first time since the accident. 

“Thanks guys. It’s just..” he takes a deep breathe so he doesn’t end up stuttering. “I know he’s strong and I wanna be strong for him too. But, I can’t help and think what will happen if he..leaves.” Tears are forming at the man’s eyes and he’s wiping them away with his shirt. He feels hands on his shoulders and looks up to his friends.

“Like you said, he’s strong. I’m sure he’s just trying to find a way to make it back to us.” Takahiro says, smiling at the shorter man. Issei gives him a smile as well. “We’re here if you need anything.” the former middle blocker says. 

Hajime takes another glance at the brunette on the hospital bed and takes his hands again, rubbing circles on the back of his hand. The two friends take their leave and stand up from their chair, waving off. “By the way, some of our old teammates heard about Tooru. They’ll come by during the week.” Hajime just nods and waves them goodbye. He looks back at his boyfriend.

“We’re waiting here, Tooru. I’m waiting here for you.”

\--

Tooru wakes up sweating again. Still panicking about what just had happened. Why did everything blur out and turn black? He was happy but he can’t remember why. 

_What did he see and watch?_

He has no answers to these questions. His mind is completely blank and void of what just happened. He can only remember when everything went blurry and dark. He curses under his breath, he can’t remember anything from where he just was. 

Giving up on trying to remember whatever just happened, he takes himself out of his thoughts. He decides to look around at his surroundings. He’s in a clinic? He thinks, _“Oh, I must be in school. Is this my middle school?”_ He gets off the bed and starts to walk around the school. _“What time is it?”_ he asks himself and looks for a clock. It’s 3pm, the middle schoolers should be out by now.

“Ha! Look at this crybaby! He thinks he’s so cool but he just cries away his problems!” Tooru looks around for the voice, the situation feels familiar. He walks outside, behind the school and finds his younger self getting bullied. He stares at the group. He feels pain and sadness. _“I remember how horrible I felt.”_ He tells himself and takes a few steps closer. 

“P-please stop.” Young Oikawa sniffles and the boys hovering above him laugh. “No one to help or save you now!” One of the bullies says and kicks Oikawa again. 

He had bruises all over from the punches and kicks thrown at him. Tooru knows what the younger Oikawa is thinking. 

_Why are they doing this? Is he really that bad? Was he never enough?_

Tooru thought how sad it was to have those thoughts at that age. He was only like what? 12? 13 years old? This is probably when his insecurities and anxieties started to develop. Young Oikawa feels pathetic and Tooru wants to cry because he knows. He knows because sometimes he still thinks he’s pathetic until now. He looks at his younger self, he wishes he could just hug him. He definitely remembers the emotional strain.

Suddenly, there are footsteps heading towards the direction of Oikawa and the bullies. 

“What the hell are you guys doing?!” Tooru hears a voice (that sounded very angry, by the way) and looks behind him. Young Oikawa is still crying, covered in painful bruises. “Shoot! It’s Iwaizumi! Run!” The bullies start running away, leaving a sobbing Oikawa on the floor. Tooru watches the scene fondly, he remembers now. 

“Hey, Oikawa.” There’s no reply. Young Oikawa keeps crying. _“I remember I couldn’t focus on anything and it felt like-”_ he was cut off by the crying Oikawa speaking up. “I c-can’t breathe.” He was starting to have a panic attack. 

Young Hajime hugs the younger one. “Hey, Tooru..take deep breaths with me.” His tone was soft, a word that isn’t normally used to describe Iwaizumi. The latter nods his head and tries breathing with his best friend. After a while, the sobbing quiets with only small sniffles here and there. 

“H-hey, Iwa-chan..” Young Oikawa looks up at the other boy, tears still falling. Hajime hums as to say for the younger one to continue. “Why do people hate me? Am I a good friend? Do you think I work hard enough?” Tooru’s voice cracks, stuttering with the next question. 

_“A-am I good enough?”_ Hajime freezes. 

Oikawa can sense the other tense up and assumes a negative answer, starting to cry again. “Tooru, hey. I didn’t even say anything yet. You just surprised me with those questions so suddenly. You _are_ good enough, okay? You’ll _always_ be good enough. Don’t listen to them, they’re just idiots. You’re amazing, Tooru. You really are.” Young Hajime hugs the other boy tighter. They stay like that for a while.

For those few minutes, it was silent with an addition of Oikawa’s sniffles. This is a comfortable silence. The warmth is comfortable. The embrace is comfortable. In Hajime’s arms, he’s safe. This is his safe spot. He feels like all his anxious thoughts and problems have faded away. He’s content with this embrace.

After what seems like hours when it was probably just minutes, Hajime stands up and reaches his hand out to help Oikawa. “Let’s go home.” Hajime says. Oikawa smiles weakly and allows himself to be helped up by the shorter boy. 

Tooru smiles at the scene. _“I knew Iwa-chan was always soft for me.”_ He giggles to himself, following the two young boys.

The walk to their houses is just 15 minutes, but both young and present Tooru want this moment to last forever. Hajime was always the one to be his rock. He was always there to help and comfort him. 

_“I can never imagine a life without him.”_ Tooru thinks to himself. 

While walking back to their houses, Oikawa attempts to speak, opening and closing his mouth. As if he’s unsure if he can say what he wants. After a minute of contemplating, he builds up the courage and speaks up.

“Ne, Hajime.” 

“Yeah?”

“Can you promise me something?”

“Sure.”

“Promise me that-”

Before Tooru could hear the promise, everything started to blur. The surroundings darken and he can feel himself feeling trapped again. It’s happening again, just like the last time. 

_Why?_ He wants to remember the promise but he can’t. 

The promise must be something important but why can’t he remember it. All the sounds are drowning out. Tooru falls to his knees as his head starts throbbing and his chest feels tight. He looks back up to see the younger version of him and his boyfriend walk away, hand-in-hand. Then, everything goes black.

\--

It’s been one week since the accident. There hasn’t been much progress with Tooru’s coma. He was hit pretty badly. Hajime stayed in the hospital by the setter’s bedside. He even took a break from his job and they all understood after hearing about Tooru. 

To be honest, he looked _horrible_. The bruises under his eyes seem like they get darker each day. His skin looks like it’s getting paler from the lack of sleep and the amount of times he’s skipped his meal. 

It’s so unhealthy but Hajime can only think of Tooru and being beside him. It’s like if he doesn’t, something bad will happen. He can’t afford to leave his Tooru’s side now.

Everyday, Hajime would start up a conversation with the brunette, even if he knows he won’t get a reply. A part of him hopes that maybe one time, when he’s talking, his boyfriend would just wake up and say that stupid nickname. He wants to hear his voice. He wants to hear his laugh. He wants to see him live.

Hajime hasn’t been getting sleep. Everytime he closes his eyes, he remembers the accident. He remembers Tooru’s body, covered in blood and lying on the road. He remembers the small and weak smile the latter gave him before closing his eyes. Because of that, he decides not to sleep. He can’t bear to see that scene over and over again. 

_It hurts. It hurts so fucking much._

“Hajime, dear. You need rest.” He hears a voice from beside him. He looks up and meets eyes with Tooru’s mother. “I..I can’t leave his side. It’s not like I can sleep anyways. I always see him and the..accident.” He sighs, looking back at the setter. 

“Hajime, I’m sure Tooru wouldn’t want to see you like this. If he knows you haven’t been taking care of yourself, I’m sure he’d be worried. Everyone is worried about you too.” The former looks back at Oikawa’s mother. She smiles at him and looks at the door. He watches as she gestures familiar faces to walk in.

“Suga? Kuroo? Daichi?” He widens his eyes at the unexpected appearances of his friends. He had met the three of them in college. He was surprised when he found out that the old captain and vice-captain were his college mates and that the former Nekoma captain was his roommate. He stands up to greet them.

“Iwaizumi, how are you?” Suga asks, initiating the conversation. Hajime sighs. “I’ve been alright. Just haven’t been able to get as much sleep as I’d like.” The three of them share a look of concern. 

“Bro, you seriously need to get some rest.” Kuroo pats Hajime’s shoulder. “Yeah, Iwaizumi it isn’t healthy to just live on whatever you’re drinking to stay awake.” Daichi adds. 

Hajime sighs for what seems the millionth time today. He gestures them into taking a seat as he takes his seat beside Tooru. The four of them have a conversation catching up and Hajime relaxes. This is a bit nice, taking his mind off the current situation. 

After a bit, his gaze wanders to the body on the hospital bed. The sight will _always_ hurt him. He takes the latter’s hand and keeps their fingers intertwined. He’s so lost in thought he doesn’t hear the others calling his name.

“Iwaizumi, this isn’t healthy. We’re all worried, It’s only been a week and your health is already deteriorating as well. We’re helping you take care of yourself from now on. No objections.” Hajime opens his mouth but then closes it again. He knows he should be taking care of himself better but he can’t do it alone. He’s thankful for his friends. He just nods at them, a gesture that lets them know he’s letting them help.

“Alright, let’s go to your apartment. Oikawa’s parents are here so don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll understand, bro.” Kuroo says, standing up. The two follow and Hajime hesitantly follows. He looks back at Tooru before closing the door.

“I’ll be back.”

On the way out, he sees Oikawa’s parents. He’s about to say something but is interrupted by Oikawa’s father. “Son, It’s okay. Take care of yourself, we’ll be here.” The two smile fondly at him and he nods. He then continues to walk away, catching up to his friends.

When they reach Hajime’s shared apartment with Tooru, they immediately tell him to relax. Suga goes off to the kitchen, saying something along the lines of “I’ll make tea and dinner” while the other two bring him to his bedroom.

Hajime almost breaks down as he’s reminded of him and Tooru sharing many nights together here. Before he can though, he feels a hand on his back. It’s Daichi. Hajime takes this as a sign to go to his bed and sits down on the edge.

“Stay here and rest, we’ll call you when dinner is ready.” Hajime nods. Suga then walks in with cups of tea on a tray. “Here’s tea for everyone.” Suga gives everyone their tea. Hajime takes a sip of the tea, it’s good. It’s warm. After a bit, he feels a sense of drowsiness overcome him.

He puts his cup on the bedside table and lays down. His eyelids start feeling heavy and he slowly falls asleep. His breathing goes steady and his mind goes blank for the first time in a while. Finally, he’s sleeping and his friends sigh in relief.

“I assume you put something in his tea to help him sleep?” Daichi asks and Suga smiles in response. That’s enough confirmation for Daichi. 

“It must hurt a lot.” Kuroo abruptly says, glancing over to the sleeping Hajime. The other two nod in response. It’s silent for a while, they make sure to stay quiet while drinking their tea. After a look at the clock, Suga stands up. “I gotta prepare dinner, keep a watch over him. I’ll call his closer friends about him too.” With that, Suga walks out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to start cooking dinner. Kuroo breaks the silence first.

“Must be hard for him, you know? Especially because you know what he had planned that day.”

Daichi puts his cup down and sighs and looks over at the person of the topic.

“Yeah. It must _really_ hurt.”

\--

Tooru wakes up, breathless and sweating again. This is the third time this has happened and yet again he can’t remember what and where he was before he woke up. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, he was in his childhood room. 

He looked around and saw a figure at his old desk. Tooru walked over and watched the said figure writing in a journal. He laughed when he read what was written and realized when this was. 

_“Oh my, I was really bad when I was pining over Hajime.”_

The figure was third year high school Oikawa. He was currently writing in his journal all the things he admired about the spiker. Tooru went to look at the phone that was open and checked the date in the lock screen. Oh. He hazily remembers the date. It was a few days before he decided to confess to his best friend.

While lost in thought, the Oikawa in the past got up to lay down on his bed. Tooru heard a sigh and walked over to look at what past Oikawa was looking at and reading. Tooru saw text messages from his other best friends telling him to stop being a coward.

“Just tell him already,” said Makki. Matsun added a “Don’t be a pining idiot anymore and just ask him out.” He saw past Oikawa roll his eyes as he texted goodnight and turned off his phone. Tooru sat on his desk chair looking at his past self. He doesn’t know how long he watches but next thing he knows he’s falling asleep in the chair.

Nothing happened throughout the week except more pining over Hajime. Tooru watched as his past self was so frustrated with his feelings. _“Damn, I was really annoying,”_ the setter chuckled at the thought.

It reached Friday and Tooru looked at the date. This is the date he confessed. He followed Oikawa as he met up with Iwaizumi. The walk was silent which was unusual for the pair. Iwaizumi was the first to speak up. 

“Why’re you so quiet today?”  
  
“Oh, nothing. Say, Iwa-Chan, do you have time after school?”

“Well, there isn’t any practice today, so yes I do have time. Why?”

“Let’s go to the park together and buy ice cream.”

Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa smiled and just nodded his head. He muttered a “better not be late” and the latter just giggled. They reached school and went to their own classes.

It was a normal school day, nothing special. But still, Oikawa couldn’t wait to finally get his feelings out. Tooru saw the light in his past self’s eyes. _“I’m so whipped, what the hell.”_ He smiled softly; _he really is in love._

The day ended and the pair met up at the school gate. They walked to the convenience store to buy their ice creams then went over to the park nearby. They sat on a bench at the end of the park for some privacy.

Iwaizumi cleared his throat, taking a pause from eating his ice cream. “What’s up with you today? You seem more...happy?” He glared at Oikawa trying to find something wrong but just saw the other smile. 

“Iwa-chan, is it wrong for me to be so happy? Also, let’s finish our ice cream first.” The brunette continued eating his ice cream as the raven haired just grumbled at the setter’s reply.

Once they finished their ice cream, Oikawa took a deep breath. Tooru watched the scene play, and he must admit, this was one of his favorite moments.

“Ne, Iwa-chan. You know, I really like you.” The taller one looked at the sky. The sun was setting and the night was slowly approaching. 

The spiker went a little wide-eyed and looked at the other. “Yeah, I know. You’re really clingy,” he rolled his eyes and watched as the other’s lips parted to speak.

“I’m serious, Hajime. I really do like you, more than a friend. I’m not joking.” Oikawa finally looked at Iwaizumi and smiled again. The latter looked at him, not knowing what to say. 

So, Oikawa took the silence as a sign to continue speaking. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same; I really don’t expect you too. I just wanted to have this weight lifted off my chest.” 

To a normal eye, it looks like Oikawa is taking this maturely. No tears, no whines, no complaints. However, Tooru knows himself and he’s pretty sure Iwaizumi can see it too. _Oikawa is actually on the verge of breaking down._

“I never said I don’t like you,” Iwaizumi said and brought a hand to Oikawa's cheek and caressed it. “I like you too, Tooru. I've had these feelings since middle school.” 

Now it was the setter’s turn to go wide-eyed. Next thing he knows, he’s tearing up. He isn’t sad, no, it was tears of joy. He never thought his feelings would be reciprocated. 

“Wait wait wait, why are you crying? DId I say something wrong?” The shorter one sounded genuinely worried. Oikawa let out a soft giggle and shook his head. He wiped his tears and hugged the other.

“I’m just happy. Thank you, Haji.” The setter felt the spiker’s smile pressed against the crook of his neck.

Tooru watched the scene. He too, was starting to cry. It was one of the happiest moments of his life. The night is bleeding in and they’re still embracing each other. He never wants to leave. But, it starts going dark again. 

_It’s happening again, why?_

Throbbing on his head starts developing and he rubs his temple. He goes on his knees, the pain is worse. It keeps getting worse. He looks up to see the embraced pair, fading out. He closes his eyes as tears start forming. He screams but no one can hear him. Everything goes black and the last thing he sees are blurred faces.

\--

It’s been three weeks since the accident. Hajime is currently in his room, lying down, and staring at his ceiling. It’s cold, so so cold. He feels so alone. He misses Tooru so much. He feels so unmotivated to do anything that his friends have to take turns checking up on him. _“I should visit Tooru again tomorrow.”_ Suddenly, he hears knocking on the apartment door. He hums in response and hears the door open. To his surprise, it’s Kageyama and Hinata. 

“Oh, it’s you guys.” Hajime’s voice is hoarse from crying. The two look at him with concern. If it’s obvious that Kageyama is worried, he must look really bad. 

He walks to the bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror. He looks like a zombie. He washes his face and walks back to the pair. “Why’re you guys here?” He asks and clears his throat. 

“We came to check on you! We’ll be staying with you today!” The orange-haired boy answered and gently took Hajime’s wrist to lead him to the couch in the apartment’s living room. 

“Tobio will get some snacks from your fridge! Let’s choose a movie.” He sees Hinata smile and he can’t help but smile back. His energy was contagious, how could you not smile at the tangerine?

After a few minutes, they finally picked a movie and Kageyama joined them with snacks. They picked a classic movie called “50 First Dates”. 

It was a romantic comedy. The girl had gotten into an accident prior to meeting the guy. The guy always passed by the girl when driving and decided to talk to her. He found out she has a memory problem. She would always forget what happened the day before once it’s a new day.

He wonders for a moment, _could this happen to them?_ It’s a good movie but Hajime can’t help but want to cry. 

_Will Tooru forget?_

_Will he not love him anymore?_

_WIll he leave him?_

He feels shaking and looks to his right. Hinata is showing a face of concern. Then the former feels the wetness on his cheeks, he’s crying. “Iwaizumi-san, are you okay?” He hears Kageyama asking and he just nods trying to stop his tears. 

“It’s okay..I know it must be hard but I think the great king would want you to stay strong. I’m sure he’s fighting to get back to us.” The shorter boy smiles softly, trying to lift the mood.

Hajime sniffled and chuckled. “Thanks, Chibi-chan.” He stands up and starts walking to his room. The two look at him confused. “I’m gonna sleep, you guys can go ahead and leave whenever. Thank you.” He bows slightly and goes to his room and closes his door. He collapses on his bed and drifts off to sleep. He’s exhausted.

Hinata sighs in the living room. He looks at Kageyama and the raven haired boy hugs him. “He’ll be okay. Iwaizumi-san is strong.” The orange haired boy just nods and says, “I hope so.”

\--

For the fourth time, Tooru awakes abruptly. He’s sweating and panting again, as if he ran a marathon. He sighs, he can’t remember anything again. Just blurred faces and darkness. He feels as if each time this happens, the emptiness in his heart and head grow. 

He shrugs it off for now to take a look at his surroundings. _“Oh, it’s our apartment.”_ The brunette takes a deep breath and stands up to explore.

He reaches the living room of the apartment, only to be met with two figures. They’re being distant. _“Please don’t tell me-”_ His thoughts are interrupted by Oikawa from the past speaking up. He sighs, he hates this.

“Iwa-chan! Why are you so grumpy today?” he hears his past self ask. When there’s no response but a grumble, the setter keeps asking and asking until Iwaizumi reaches his limit.

“Shut the fuck up, Oikawa! I’m so tired and stressed, can’t you be more understanding? I’m tired of listening to your useless complaints!” Iwaizumi shouts, only to be followed by complete silence. 

Suddenly, he hears the chair move and sniffles. 

“Fine. You know what? Fuck you! I didn’t need you anyways. You’re not the only one who’s been feeling like _complete shit_ , Iwaizumi! Do you even know how sad I’ve been lately?” Oikawa asks and is only met with silence. 

“Of course you don’t.” He scoffs and continues talking. “Because apparently, you’re the only one dying of stress here. At this point, I don’t even know if you still love me or care about me. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without breaking down.” The brunette sighs. “I’m going out.” Oikawa rushes to grab his coat. He feels someone grab his wrist when he tries to open the door.

“Shit, wait, Tooru. I’m sorry, I’m just stressed. Let’s ta-” Iwaizumi is cut off with Oikawa releasing himself from his grip. The former spiker only sees his boyfriend shake his head and scoffs again before walking out. 

The black haired man can only watch the door close with a slam. Probably waking up their apartment neighbours but none of them could care less. Tooru makes sure to follow his past self, giving one last look to Iwaizumi who looks stressed and mad. 

_“Is he mad at me or...himself?”_

Tooru watches Oikawa walk towards a certain spot in the park and lean against a tree. He takes a seat next to him. “ _Ah, my favorite spot. The scenery always relaxed me.”_ Tooru is having trouble remembering this memory. Honestly, he’d rather forget it. He doesn’t want to remember the pain. _He isn’t a major masochist like that._

Then, he hears shaky breathing and sobbing. He looks next to him, meeting the crying figure. _“Oh, now I remember.”_ He thinks to himself. He had been having the worst of weeks since a long time. All his insecurities rushed to the surface and the hate comments on social media didn’t help. What’s even worse is that over those weeks, he and Iwaizumi had grown distant, busy with schedules.

This moment breaks his heart. Tooru just wants to hug his past self but he can only watch. 

It’s been an hour, maybe two? He’s lost track of time by now. Oikawa can only focus on the night sky above him. The moon is shining bright. Tooru hears footsteps and he knows what’s about to happen. He stands up to sit down on a bench across from his previous spot, so he can watch the moment unravel.

“Tooru.” Iwaizumi calls, but is only left with silence. The man sighs, taking a seat next to his boyfriend who’s head is hidden as he is curled up, hugging his knees. He hears the silent sobs and takes a deep breath in and out. He starts speaking.

“I’m so sorry, Tooru. I’ve been such a bad boyfriend these past few weeks and I should’ve been there for you. I’ve been the closest to you since we were kids and I’m mad at myself for not giving you more attention. I should have noticed you were feeling awful... but I just shrugged it off. Please just know that I do love and care about you. I’m really an idiot for hurting you like this.” He hesitantly brings a hand to lay on top of the other’s. He’s about to pull away when that hand grips it like it’ll disappear if he lets go.

The setter brings his head up and looks at Iwaizumi. His eyes are bloodshot from crying, he has eyebags that were left unnoticed, his lips are trembling. Yet, even after all the crying and pain, Oikawa still smiles. Albeit, a weak one but he’s still smiling. _A melancholy smile._

He looks up at the sky and lets more tears fall. “The stars are beautiful tonight.” he says softly. Tooru watches as the former spiker brings Oikawa into a tight hug. They’re both in tears now. Tooru chuckles at the soft moment. 

Then, as if it’s a sin to enjoy the sweet moment playing in front of him, everything starts getting darker. He sighs, it’s happening again. He can’t do anything about it. The throbbing of the head comes back and he feels the tears forming. 

He collapses on his knees. His breathing gets heavy and he tries to get one last glance at the memory in front of him. He doesn’t want to forget. He begs and begs to any being out there but it is left to no avail. All he feels is the numbness, emptiness and pain. Before he blacks out again, he hears soft words.

“Please don’t do that again.”  
  


“I won’t.”

\--

It has been two months and one week since the accident. Hajime still visits Tooru everyday at the hospital. He has been able to get himself together and go back to his job. He somehow manages to get himself to go out with friends again. However, this doesn’t stop the pain and thoughts that his boyfriend could never wake up. He shakes the thought off, trying to hold onto the last of hope in him. 

He’s sitting beside the hospital bed and holding Tooru’s hand. He looks at the figure, steadily breathing, looking so peaceful. He wants to cry. Hajime misses Tooru so much that it hurts. It pains him to walk into their shared apartment, only to be met with silence and emptiness. He starts talking, hoping that the latter would hear him, wherever he is.

“Please wake up, Tooru. Call me Iwa-chan again, tell me about your day, hug me all you want. Just please,” he shakily breathes, “come back to me.” he starts sobbing. His eyes should be tired from the constant crying and sleepless nights but the tears still come out the same. He rests his head, hands still intertwined with the brunette’s. Next thing he knows, his eyes feel tired and he falls asleep.

After an hour, Hajime is woken up by Takeru, Tooru’s nephew. “Hajime-san, are you okay?” Hajime smiles weakly at him and sits back up. 

“I’m okay, Takeru.” he coughs a bit, throat feeling dry, and voice hoarse from the crying he’s been doing. Takeru immediately goes to grab a glass of water for him. Hajime thanks him and drinks slowly. He looks back at the still figure on the bed and sighs.

“He’ll come back. I just know it, so don’t worry and stop crying. Uncle Tooru is strong.” Takeru says and smiles. Hajime brings the younger boy into a hug and chuckles lightly. 

They catch up for a bit. Talking about volleyball and Takeru’s school life. Takeru asks Hajime how it feels being an athletic trainer for the olympic team. They casually talk until Takeru says he has to go, he has school the next day. The former spiker thanks the other again and waves him off. 

Before Takeru leaves, he says something. “You’ll get to ask him, so don’t go losing hope.” he says while nodding his head in Tooru’s direction. He closes the door and Hajime is left in silence again, save for the beeping of the monitor. He looks back at his boyfriend, watching his chest rise up and down in steady and silent breathing.

“I won’t lose hope, Tooru.”

\--

Tooru wakes up again. This time he isn’t dripping cold sweat or trying to catch his breath. This time he recognizes the day immediately. He panics, _“Shit.”_ At that, another body comes into place. 

He looks beside him to see his amazing boyfriend, sleeping peacefully. Hajime rolls around to face the brunette and blinks his sleepiness away. “Good morning, Tooru.” he says sleepily and rubs his eyes.

_“This cannot be happening again.”_

Once the couple finish breakfast and their normal morning routine, they get ready to leave as they have a fully planned day. Tooru remembers this so clearly and he hates the fact he’s reliving it. 

Their first stop is at their favorite cafe in Tokyo. It’s just a small cafe at the corner of their apartment street which only has a minimalist but cute design. They walk in and are seated. They order their usual. The setter is obviously out of it, he can’t help it. How is he supposed to feel knowing something bad will happen later on?

“Tooru? Are you okay? Feeling dizzy?” He looks up to meet the concerned look of his boyfriend. “Y-yeah, just fine.” He takes a sip from his water. They talk and talk, eat their food, and just spend time with each other. Tooru figures he might as well enjoy the day before the time comes.

They go to different places throughout the day. It was fun, joyful and any other synonym. It was such a nice time that Tooru almost forgot about the future accident.

_Almost._

He looks at his phone to check the time. It’s 5:35pm on a Monday. The date is July 20, 2020...his birthday. It would’ve been such a good day, until the dreadful moment came. 

The pair were walking on the street, nearing the crosswalk with coffees in hand. They had just come from Starbucks and were heading to a place Hajime wanted to bring the setter to. Tooru took a deep breath in and out. _This was it._

Hajime walks in front of him when the light turns green, allowing them to cross. They were laughing, but the brunette knew he couldn’t keep the laughter up for long. 

He hears tires screeching. He drops his coffee and immediately runs to push the other away and prevent him from getting hit. Tooru gets hit instead and is left limp on the street, blood flowing out.

_It hurts. The pain all over his body. It hurts._

He feels his consciousness slowly slipping away. Suddenly, he feels himself being slightly lifted and feels tears falling onto him. He hears a voice but can’t quite make up the words being said. He knows it’s Hajime though. Tooru doesn’t want his last scene to be seeing Hajime cry...so _he smiles._ Like it’s any other day, in any other situation. 

“How can y-you smile like that still?” Hajime says, sobbing. He feels himself drifting away.

_Is this goodbye? Will he never see anything or anyone again?_

He thinks, _“I guess my time is up.”_

His eyes close and his body goes completely limp. It loses the warmth and his heartbeat is slowing down. When he tries to think of all the memories, they don’t appear.

_Why won’t they appear?_

It’s only darkness. _Just darkness._ It’s not like the comfort of the night sky. It’s just black, completely void.

\--

The heart rate monitor stops beeping. Hajime hears doctors and nurses rushing in and bringing him out the room. 

_No. There’s no way he’s gonna die._

Tooru has to stay alive. He falls onto his knees and starts crying. He begs with everything he has.

He just wants to see Tooru smile at him again. He wants to hear his voice. He wants to see him play volleyball. _He wants to see him live._

It’s been a few hours since then, Tooru is in the ICU. Hajime and everyone else is relieved he’s still alive and breathing. He watches from the other side of the door, there are nurses around him. The raven haired male just wants to hold his boyfriend again.

After a few days, he’s stable enough to leave the ICU and be brought back to his original room. Hajime is there 24/7, watching over the other and holding his hand. Tooru’s parents call him so he goes out to meet them. They talk with the doctor for about 15 minutes and he can finally head back.

When he comes back, he sees the love of his life sitting up and facing him.

“Tooru?!” He slowly runs over to him and takes a look at the other. Tooru is awake. _He’s alive. He’s okay._

He slowly approaches the setter and tries to hold his hand. However, instead of it being taken, the setter brings his hand to his chest.

“Tooru..?” Hajime says, voice almost breaking.

_Silence._

The sound of the aircon can be heard. The beeping heart monitor can be heard. Their breathing can be heard.

“I’m sorry,”

Tooru lifts his gaze from Hajime’s hand to his eyes.

“Do I know you?”

\--

After a few checkups and explanations, Hajime and the rest are informed that Tooru has amnesia. However, the doctor says, “It is still possible for his memories to return. It would just take a while.”

_At least there’s hope, Hajime thinks._

He lets Tooru’s family spend time with him first. He lets his friends that are there comfort him as they know that his boyfriend’s loss of memory hurts a lot. He sighs and leans his head on Issei’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay, dude. I’m sure he’ll get his memories back soon.” Issei says and Takahiro nods in agreement. He closes his eyes for a bit.

An hour later, Tooru’s family lets him talk to the setter. The moonlight is shining onto him, making him look ethereal. He stares for a bit and realizes that he should probably let his presence known. 

He knocks softly and the brunette’s head turns towards him. Hajime sees him smile, warming up his heart that’s been left cold for weeks.

“Iwa-chan?” Oh, that nickname. He finally hears it after so long but he wishes he would call him ‘Hajime’ like before. 

As if reading his mind, Tooru speaks up, “I don’t feel comfortable with saying your first name yet, if that’s okay. I want to try and regain my memories before I do so.” Tooru says and gestures for the other to take a seat. Hajime hears Tooru take a breath.

“I have to go through weeks of physical therapy. But ne, Iwa-chan. WIll you help me?”

Hajime takes a short breath but answers almost immediately.

“Of course.”

\--

Tooru had physical therapy for the first month. Hajime let Tooru get back to volleyball for the second month. It was one of the only things that the brunette remembered. They practiced, practiced and practiced and he was happy to see the setter enjoy it. He watched his boyfriend work hard each time. 

( _They stayed boyfriends with the permission of Tooru even if he lost his memory. “I don’t want to break the bond that we had before this happened.” That’s what Hajime remembered Tooru saying. Tooru even insisted on staying in their shared apartment._ )

They took things slow. There was no need to rush. On Tooru’s behalf, Hajime explained to his team about the situation. Thankfully, the setter’s coach and manager understood and let them take their time to ease Tooru back to living. He had been in a coma for 5 months. They promised to take care of everything else.

The pair had just finished dinner when Tooru suggested something. 

“Iwa-chan.” Tooru called and Hajime finished washing their dishes then turned to look at the other. “Yeah, what’s up?” He asked, looking at the setter who’s slightly smiling. 

“Can we visit some places? I think I have some fragments of my memory.” The brunette said and looked at Hajime who was definitely shocked. Tooru chuckled at his stunned expression. Since the trainer was still surprised from hearing what the other had said, he just gave a nod. 

The smile that slowly appeared on Hajime’s face was a sight Tooru _never_ wanted to forget.

\--

They both decided that they’ll use the next 2 months visiting places important to them. They will also take the time to go to a certain place that Tooru could vaguely remember. Hajime knew that this would take a lot of time, but he was willing to wait. As long as it gave Tooru the chance to regain his memories back. After all, the new year just started, they still have a lot of time.

It’s March now and they decided to take a 3 week vacation back to Miyagi. 

“Iwa-chan! Are you ready to go?” Tooru walks into the living room with his luggage. Hajime is sitting on the couch with his own luggage, he was texting his parents while waiting for the brunette. “Yep, let’s get going to the car.” The trainer receives a smile in reply and he can’t help but smile back.

A few minutes into the drive, the setter looks like he’s about to pass out. Hajime checks the time, it’s 7am, pretty early in the morning. “You can take a nap first. I’ll wake you up if we stop for a break.” Tooru sleepily nods as he gets into a comfortable position and lets his eyes close. 

The raven haired man can’t help but look at him fondly. He’s so happy to be able to spend time with the other again, even if he can’t remember anything.

Hours later, they make it back to their hometown. They visit their childhood homes and greet both of their families. The pair had agreed to stay at their respective homes since they’ll be seeing each other a lot anyways, plus it’ll be good to spend time with their families.

3 days into their trip, they decide to meet up and go somewhere. 

“So, Oikawa, do you have any specific place in mind?” Hajime asks while they walk through the streets to go to a small cafe for lunch. 

“Hmm..I don’t know the place exactly but I vaguely remember a forest? I don’t know why. Is that something important?” Tooru tilts his head in curiosity. 

The shorter chuckles softly, “Ah, I think I know what you’re talking about. Let’s go after lunch.” Tooru just nods and skips happily on the way to the cafe.

They get to the cafe and enjoy their meal. They talk about volleyball and Tooru asks about their life in Miyagi. Hajime answers each of his questions and even lets him smile a bit. “Aw, Iwa-chan! You should smile more!” The trainer chuckles and looks away, tips of his ears red. “Shut up.”

After paying for the meal and all, they start heading to the forest place Oikawa mentioned. 

When they get there, they explore the place a bit. The brunette interrupts the silence, “Ne, Iwa-chan, tell me about this place.” Hajime looks back at the other and starts talking.

“Well, this is where we first met actually. We were kids and I found you crying over a scraped knee. You’ve always been such a crybaby.” Hajime laughs and Tooru whines. “Mean, Iwa-chan! Hmph.” Even when whining, the setter can’t help but laugh along as well.

They stay there for a while and explore the area; Hajime tells Tooru about everything that happened that day.

“I was running around trying to catch bugs when I heard crying. So, I followed the sound and then found you. You’re a very ugly crier, you know that?” He laughs when he sees the other pout. _Cute._

Once it starts getting late, they decide to start heading back home. Before Hajime walks away after dropping Tooru off at his home, he feels a tug on the wrist. He looks back to meet Tooru’s gaze, “Thanks for today, Iwa-chan.” The former nods and his lips curve upwards slightly.

“Yeah, no problem. I hoped it helped.”

\--

The next day, Hajime decided to take Tooru to their middle school. On the way there, Tooru asked questions about their time in middle school. The raven haired man just continued answering whatever the brunette would ask.

“Hmm, you know, you were awarded best setter in our last year of middle school.”

“Really? I bet I was really happy.”

“Yeah, you were crying _again._ Really ugly too.”

“What do you get out of bullying me, Iwa-chan?” Tooru pouted while Hajime laughed.

It was a Saturday, so the school was free. The only people there were the teams that had Saturday practices. They continued to explore the school while Hajime shared different things that happened. 

When they walked outside, he told the setter about a memory he just remembered.

“Actually, you got bullied once. I found you and I got mad at those idiots that hurt you.” He looked at Tooru and saw him beaming with a bright smile. “Of course you saved me! You care for me a lot that’s why!” All the trainer could do was smile back and nod. 

After a while of just exploring their middle school, they started walking back home. It was silent at first, just walking under the blanket of stars. Hajime looked at Tooru and saw a sort of peaceful and serene look on his face. He asked, “Did this help you, Oikawa?” 

Tooru looked at him and nodded, “Yeah, it did. Don’t worry too much Iwa-chan.”

\--

They decided to take a day or two break before visiting another place. 

Two days later, Hajime heard his phone ringing while he was in the shower. He hurried himself up and quickly went to put on some clothes. He walked to his desk and got his phone. Tooru was calling him. He took a deep breath and called him.

“Hello, Iwa-chan?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we go to our high school today?”

“Uh, sure. Did something come to mind?”

“I’ll tell you when we meet up.” Then the setter ended the call. Hajime stood there for a bit, still sort of surprised with the sudden request but he complied anyway. He changed into jeans and decided that his shirt was fine. He grabbed his phone and wallet then went downstairs. 

His mom was in the living room, watching TV when she asked where he was going. He replied he was going out with Tooru because he got a sudden call with him. Hajime’s mom smiled in reply and just shouted “take care” when he went out.

He found Tooru in front of his house and smacked him on the head to get his attention. “Ow! That hurt!” Hajime just snickered and they started walking towards their high school.

“So..what’s with the sudden request?” Hajime asked, a few minutes into their walk. “I found my old diary from high school.” Tooru replied. It was silent after that. 

They reached Aoba Johsai and walked in. The trainer said that they should visit their old coach and see how the current high school team is doing. The setter agreed and followed the former into the gym. When they walked in, the afternoon practice had already started.

“Coach! Long time no see!” Hajime said from the entrance of the gym. Coach Irihata turned his head to look at his former players and smiled. “Ah! Iwaizumi, Oikawa! Come sit and watch!” He replied and smiled. The pair walked over to the bench where their former coach was at.

They received pats on the back from him and started talking. “How are you guys? Your jobs?” Irihata asked and the two gave each other a glance. Hajime spoke up first. 

“Well actually, sadly, Tooru got into an accident and lost his memory. We’re back in Miyagi just to visit places to see if it’ll help him.” He said, looking at Tooru who had a somewhat sad look on his face. 

“Oh, that’s horrible to hear. I’m happy to see you okay though, Oikawa. Take care of yourself, you’re an excellent setter.” Tooru sheepishly smiled and thanked him.

Irihata let them join practice and the pair helped the current players. Taught them how to do many things and gave them tips on how to take care of their bodies.

Once practice ended, they both waved goodbye. They started walking back to their houses. Suddenly, Tooru pulled Hajime to a park. “O-oikawa, what the hell?” But the setter kept leading him to the park nearby.

They sat on a bench and it was silent for a bit. Hajime was about to speak up but Tooru beat him to it.

“Iwa-chan, this is where we confessed, right?” The brunette said in an almost whisper, while looking at the stars above.

“U-uh, yeah. You brought me here when walking home then you confessed.” Hajime looked at the other and he looked the same he did that same day. 

Tooru was looking up at the stars when he confessed, and looked _beautiful_. His thoughts were interrupted when he saw the moonlit tears running down Tooru’s cheeks.

“Tooru?” He asked, softly. “I have another confession to make then.” The taller croaked out and used his hand to wipe his falling tears. Hajime remained silent and let his boyfriend continue.

“I’m scared, Hajime. _I’m scared I won’t remember._ I want to, I really do. But, it’s so hard and I hate it. I want to remember loving you, I want to remember the life we had together before the...accident.” Tooru sniffled and finally met Hajime’s gaze. The former put his hand on top of the latter’s and smiled.

“But, even if I can’t remember yet. I know one thing for sure.”

Tooru took a deep breath, still not taking his eyes off the olive green ones looking at him.

“I’ll love you always.”

\--

They went to many more places in Miyagi throughout the weeks and had a good time. There were times when Hajime thought that, _“Hey, maybe he’ll remember something”_ but at other times, he has no hope. Every time he asks, Tooru just smiles and says, _“Yeah, a bit. Thanks for today, Iwa-chan.”_

All Hajime can do is hope. But, he knows that no matter what happens, he’ll keep loving Tooru the same, or even more. If he can’t remember, then they can just make new memories together. Spending time with the setter is all that mattered to him. _Tooru’s happiness was all that mattered._

When they get back to their apartment in Tokyo, the couple decide to take a day or two to rest from their 3 week-long trip. 

It’s April now, Hajime realizes.

It’s a rainy day, a lazy day for the both of them. They just lounge in their apartment trying to find things to do since they're stuck there for the entire day. 

While Hajime is on his laptop, doing some work since he has been on leave for a while, Tooru walks over to him and suddenly hugs him.

“Tooru? Something up?” Hajime asked, putting his laptop on the side table and closing it. He brings his arms to wrap around the figure hugging him and runs his hands on his boyfriend’s back. 

“N-nothing. I just..felt like I needed a hug.” Tooru hugs the other tighter and buries his head in the crook of Hajime’s neck.

The ravenette frowned but kept silent. He’ll let Tooru open up when he wants to, he doesn’t want to force anything.

After minutes of staying like that, Tooru finally sat up and looked at Hajime. Tooru’s eyes were a bit red as if he just cried. Just before the latter could ask questions, the setter spoke up. “I had a dream but...I think it was a memory. I’m not sure. I woke up crying and immediately walked out of our bedroom to hug you.” Hajime sat there and hummed and let the other continue.

“We..we got into a fight. I stormed out and I sat somewhere and cried. You found me and we made up. I t-think I wasn’t doing well and then the fight happened.” Tooru sniffled. Hajime raised his hand to caress his boyfriend’s cheek and used his thumb to wipe away his tears. 

“Ah, yeah. I remember that. It’s okay, I promised to take care of you better that time.” They continued to hug and cuddle on the couch for the rest of the day. Just talking about different things and Hajime answering any more questions the other had.

\--

A week later, they were cleaning their apartment when Hajime remembered something. He silently and quickly walked to their living room and opened a small compartment. He brought out the box inside and opened it. He smiled then closed it again, putting it in his hoodie pocket. 

He walked back to where Tooru was and saw him going through different photos taken of them that they had printed. 

“Tooru, can we go somewhere?” Hajime asked, walking towards the other to run his hands through the brown hair. “Sure, why not.” Tooru smiled and leaned into the touch. After a bit, they got ready to leave. The trainer made sure that he didn’t leave the box and made sure the setter didn’t see.

They walked along the streets, Hajime leading the way. He didn’t answer Tooru’s questions about where he was bringing them and just laughed when he saw his boyfriend pout.

20 minutes later, they reached their destination. It was a lovely flower field that let you see the sun setting. Hajime looked over to the brunette and saw his eyes gleaming. He let out a small chuckle, Tooru looked like a kid with that look.

Hajime brought them to a spot and they sat down. They watched the sunset in silence, taking in the warm beauty of the sunset. 

_“It’s only right to tell him, it’s been months.”_

“Tooru. There’s a reason why I brought you here.” Hajime said, still looking at the sunset, the sky slowly fading into the dark night sky.

Tooru looked at his boyfriend, “Why’s that, Haji?” Hajime finally stopped staring off and looked back at the setter. He slowly reached into his hoodie pocket and brought out the box. Tooru stilled as the other opened the box.

There sitting comfortably is a ring. _A gold ring with a small diamond._

Tooru stared at it but decided to look back at Hajime. Hajime was starting to cry but he waited for him to speak before saying anything.

“T-Tooru. The day of the accident..we were walking here. I was..” His voice was cracking a bit so he took a deep breath to steady his voice. “ _I was supposed to propose to you_ , under the stars. I-I don’t know if you’ll get your memories back, but even if you don’t, we can still make more now.”

Tooru was starting to tear up. He held back his sobs so he could continue listening to Hajime.

“I will _always_ love you, Tooru. No matter what. Your loss of memories didn’t and _never_ changed anything. So, I’ll ask you what I didn’t get to ask you that day.”

Hajime got the ring from the box and held it. He glanced at the ring and looked back at the brunette who was letting his tears fall.

“Tooru, will you marry me?” Hajime asked, voice so soft it was almost a whisper.

Tooru was full on crying and nodded his head. “Yes! Yes! Haji, I’ll marry you.” He lifted his hand shakily and let his boyfriend—no, _fiancé_ now, slip the ring onto his ring finger. They were both crying and laughing it was such a sweet moment.

They lied down and took the time to look at the night sky and star gaze, simply enjoying each other’s company and presence. Tooru closed his eyes and suddenly, he saw flashes. _Flashes of memories._

It was overwhelming. All that he had forgotten, suddenly rushing back to him. As if in the blink of the eye, _he remembered everything._

He opened his eyes and met olive green ones. “Tooru, are you okay? You started crying and breathing harshly for a bit there.” Hajime said and helped the setter sit up.

Tooru smiled and intertwined their fingers together. He looked at his fiancé and used his free hand to hold the other’s cheek. “Haji, do you remember what you promised me? When we were kids?” 

Hajime was stunned. _“When we were kids? Does that mean-”_

“Yeah, I do. Of course I do.” Hajime leaned into Tooru’s hand. “How could I forget?”

Tooru kept smiling and laughed. Hajime was confused, why was he laughing? 

“Why’re you laughing?”

“Because _I remember_ , silly.”

“Y-you..remember?”

“You can’t go back on that promise now, _we’re engaged._ ”

Hajime stayed silent for a bit. Was this real? _Tooru got his memories back._ His confusion was now replaced with happiness. _Tooru remembers._

“I would never do that, you know that. I plan to keep that promise.”

Hajime joined in with Tooru laughing. So many emotions in the span of such a short amount of time. The laughter faded into silence and they smiled at each other.

“Ne, Haji. Can you say your promise? I want to hear it again.”

Hajime smiled and nodded.

“I promise to always stay by your side and protect you. No matter what, we’ll always have each other.” He leaned in and Tooru met him halfway, closing the small distance between them.

_They sealed their promise with a kiss, their first kiss since the unfortunate day._

“I’ve missed you, I’ve missed that. I’ve missed everything.” Hajime breathed when they broke apart from the kiss.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting, Haji.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! after almost two months, i have finally finished writing this fic. i kept losing motivation to write this so i'm so sorry it took so long.
> 
> this was an emotional ride and i'm glad i finished it. i hope you enjoyed the fic and kudos are well appreciated! feel free to tell me what you think about this story in the comments.
> 
> honestly, at some point i felt like giving up with this fic but i kept going anyways. i forgot how this idea came to me but i liked the idea of going back and looking through memories so here we are.
> 
> thank you jo for being there with me throughout this whole process and beta reading this. my sleep deprived ass wrote hyogo instead of miyagi and if it weren't for her i would've not noticed.
> 
> oh also here's a picture of the [ring](https://www.brides.com/thmb/83HlPbNZVPs5YQouMrR8kTbIwAQ=/900x900/filters:no_upscale\(\):max_bytes\(150000\):strip_icc\(\)/__opt__aboutcom__coeus__resources__content_migration__brides__public__brides-services__production__2017__10__03__59d3bf0c0e3c610b36276fd7_david-yurman-DY-Unity-Petite-Cable-Engagement-Ring-in-18K-Gold2C-Round-9db7e6d28f9845bc99287fad8f19b5c6.jpg) i wanted iwaizumi to give to oikawa
> 
> anyways follow me on instagram [@osaamiya](https://www.instagram.com/osaamiya/)


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